i don't know what to say...

i can't really believe it. i'm so excited, anxious, nervous, optimistic, happy all at that same time.  i still really can't believe it.  i couldn't have gotten through 4 months without the support and cathartic release that this blog has provided me.  through this almost 2 year journey, there were many, many, many days that i thought this day would never come.  i just hope this little nugget sticks!

below i'm going to detail how i came to find out that i'm PREGNANT (OMG, really?!?) in case you're interested.  i think this will also serve as my last post if everything goes well with the pregnancy.  i just remember how sometimes it was so difficult for me to get updates in my google reader from newly pregnant bloggers when i was struggling so hard with month after month of BFNs.  so, if you're interested in following my pregnancy journey, email me using the link on my blog/profile, and i'll update you to my new blog whenever i set it up.  again, thanks for following me on this journey!

how i found out:
so, after working a 30hr shift where i took care of many sick babies, one in particular who will likely die today after his family decides to withdraw care on him, i was feeling particularly beat down and exhausted.  it was a really rough night, and i may have slept a maximum of 30 minutes - 1 hour the whole night.  as i was leaving work, the thought popped into my head that, i hadn't peed since first thing that morning. (it was close to 1pm by this time.) i thought, i bet if i took a pregnancy test, my urine would be super concentrated, enough so that it'd turn positive if was pregnant.  (this is because i hardly ever drink enough water at work when i'm really busy which is a terrible habit.)  i kind of brushed off this thought because i was thinking i would start my period tomorrow like i do every month 14 dpo.  on the way home, i couldn't stop thinking about taking a test.  i finally convinced myself to take one just so i could get the thought out of my head and get some much needed sleep.  so, i got home, let the dog out and peed in my cup.  i dipped my internet cheapie hcg and forced myself not to watch it develop like i normally do but to instead quickly jump in the shower to get the stench of the hospital off me.  in the shower i prayed, not for it to be positive, but for me to accept whatever the results were.  i repeated over and over, "be joyful in hope, patient in adversity and  faithful in prayer."  i finished my shower and took a deep breath and quickly and ineffectively dried myself off.  i cautiously walked to the counter where i had left my test.  i could NOT believe my eyes when i saw those 2 beautiful pink lines.  i cried immediately, and i NEVER cry.  i stared at my face in the mirror.  i still couldn't believe it.  i fell to my knees, crying, naked and wet (sorry for the visual) and thanked God over and over again.  i then dipped my digital just to be sure and that pic is posted above! 

again, thanks so much for following me on this journey.  i wish each of you the best of luck!